Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Is Being Dosed With Snake Oil My Only Hope?

Dr. West has been called in by Muse Swings to give his inexpert opinion on the exact causes and possible cures for my addlepated, scattered, inarticulate, tongue-tied, scrambled mush of a brain. As we all know, the not so good doctor is the redoubtable avocate of the women's non-liberation movement. I am somewhat wary of his ministrations towards me. He prescribed his patented tonic, Dr. West's World Famous Elixir of Health for Those of the Gentler Feminine Persuasion, Useful in the Inducement of Restorative Rejuvenation of Glandular Activity. It seems his motto is "what doesn't kill you must cure you." I don't know about you, but I'm not completely onboard with this.

Must I resort to a bottled curative in order to find the fog dispersing, mental focus I seek? Is an old fashioned Snake Oil in order here? I admit that I long to return to my former sparkling self. I long to be able to work calculus problems while reading treatises addressing metaphysical questions as I surf the Internet, post riveting blog entries and paint intuitive self-portraits.

Upon reflection, I realized I'm not familiar with the history of or the etymology of that medical phenomenon known as Snake Oil. Was real snake oil an ingredient of that infamous medicinal potion? What raw materials were used to concoct those ever popular cures of 100+ years ago?

This is what my sleuthing uncovered.....

It seems that some Indians rubbed rattlesnake grease on their achy bones as a cure for rheumatism. Pioneers, knowing a good thing when they saw it, began to copy their native brothers. A little research uncovers tales of men hunting snakes and being given permits to sell the curative grease.

These original snake hunters metamorphed into traveling medicine showmen who hawked their homemade "patent" medicines and tonics to the public. Most of these concoctions didn't contain any actual snake oil, but were combinations of mineral oil, turpentine, camphor gum, paprika, fish oil, tar oil and extract of Capsicum.

Lavinia, the yenta matchmaker, seems to think that my mental malaise can be side-circuited by pairing me with the formidable Richard Gere. ( see this) I don't remember, if I ever knew, just what about my mental incapacitation makes me a good match for Gere but I'm not complaining. I come out a winner on this deal no matter what or why.

Debby, thank you for trying to warn me about the hijacking of my cautionary tale relating the effects of aging on the middle aged female brain. Can't a girl post a simple lament without her words being stolen, misused, misconstruted and re-written?

Watch out. It could happen to you too!

88 comments:

  1. Oh, dear!

    You are so witty! Lots of good information here too, but I prefer Richard Gere. :)

    Little House on the Prairie had an episode that had to do with a traveling salesman pedaling those knock offs! (Why do I remember such odd things?)

    Have a great night! Hope your mental clarity comes back soon!

    -Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sarah, thank you for the sweet sentiment, but my mental clarity has been gone so long I think it took up residence with someone else.

    It actually took me three or four times as long as it should have to write this entry. I had to use the thesaurus to help me think of words that I wanted to use but they wouldn't come to me. It is truly frustrating. Foggy brains are a symptom of hypothyroidism. I'm going to talk to the doctor about it, but last time he said..."well your T-4 numbers are where they should be" I'm on meds, but I still have many symptoms. UGH!

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  3. Ha Ha. I liked your last comment here steviewren. I know the feeling. Yes, your blog this time was a bit confusing but fun to read! - Dave

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hehe, I will make the Irishman aware of this post. He often calls all my mail order cosmetics for "Snake Oil". He will enjoy this post for sure.;))
    Thank you for shedding some light on that old expression, I had no idea about it's origins.;))

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beware? It COULD happen to me?

    Heck. I'm dealing with it this very minute, sister. I make a list each and every night. If I don't, I forget. I'm hot flashing until I have a moist upper lip (among other things) and then, seconds later, I'm freezing to death because its spring here and chilly. You and me, Stevie? Not so different. *sigh* I hate it too.

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  6. Dave - seems like a proliferation of confusing blogs. Stevie's, mine, Lavinia's, The Muse's...they're everywhere!

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  7. Oh...mental clarity. You seem to not be lacking in that department if your blogs are any indication, but then again I know all too well how blogs can unintentionally seem sunnier than reality. ??? Some things for mental clarity...ginko, ginseng, simplicity, and practice. : ) I'm currently experiencing a complete loss of vocabulary and possibly the same sort of muddled brain fog that you're referring to. I used to be sharp and quick and witty. Now I need a few hours to come up with a good paragraph.

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  8. I think hot flashes are a cure for global warming! Menopausal woman doing their part to save the world.

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  9. Stevie, in answer to your question, "Can't a girl post a simple lament without her words being stolen, misused, misconstruted and re-written?"

    The answer is: no.

    Don't fret about what it is that Richard finds fascinating about you. I'll tell you: Your blue eyes and your great blog buddies!

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  10. does one ingest it or simply apply it to the scalp? :O lol

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  11. LOL!! I have a snake oil salesman tale on my blog right now.... L'Elisir D' Amore!

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  12. Fun post and blog! I don't worry about my brain or memory. My kitchen cupboard is full of little yellow post-it notes, that's what's left of my middle aged mind and it works for me. And Richard Gere, hmmm, no I don't think so...George Clooney please;)

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  13. Stevie, I want to congratulate you on your recent marriage to Richard. I had no idea it would all lead to this. I am hoping we will get some pictures from the honeymoon. Cyn always turns us to Dr. West. I think she gets some kind of kick-back. I have a whole room full of those tiny little bottles he sells and I'm still flashing away. Don't get sucked into the hype! I did and now I have to figure out how to tell my family why I get these deliveries every month. Dr. West won't take my calls and I'm still FLASHING away. Be careful....very careful...

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  14. I always wondered where the term "snake oil" came from. Really interesting post,,,,,and funny. Take care my friend. Strider
    PS...Richard Greer.....no way.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think I'll get some snake oil linament, just in case. I really wish I had some cause for my mush brain besides blogging and sleep deprivation that is. If you guys would all just stop posting anything fun or beautiful for a week, I could probably start refinishing the basement while learning Mandarin on audio cds. Yep, that's right, next time I mix up my kids' names or the cats' genders I'm going to blame you all, Stevie, Lavinia, Debby, Cynthia, Kat...etc.

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  16. Well, all I can say is Gere could fix anything that was ailing me. Pass him on when you finish with him.

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  17. You crack me up!

    Except for the Richard Gere bit. Get away. He's mine.
    :-D

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