Recipe For A Best Seller

Gothic novel: A novel written in a style which emphasizes the grotesque, mysterious, and desolate.

Interviews With The Dead: Unravel The Secrets You Thought Were Lost Forever

What do you do when you have half a day to whip up a novel?

First choose a small second hand French text book with pictures. Second sew 10-15 pages together, making sure that each page has a person's portrait on it. You should end up with 8-10 pages to decorate. Paint the cover and inside pages black. Don't cover the faces with paint, but do dry brush the outer edges of them. Adhere creepy pictures. Paint more black over the raw edges of the glued on images. Dry brush vermilion and chalky white over everything. Affix hardware, keys, and ephemera to the cover and some inside pages. Add the text.

Inside cover: Map of Paris with all the cemetaries circled

Paul investigated the paranormal events that happened in his family mansion.
He died of fright.

Poor Paul. You will be missed.

Marie was always strange. She kept to herself and wrote cryptic poetry that her publisher
didn't understand. She had a cult following of young girls and older men.

Mysterious Marie

Colette's mother was a famous gypsy from whom she learned the art of reading tea leaves
and palms. She often saw love in her client's futures.

Famous fey Colette

Marcel spent most days pondering the meaning of his life.

Consequently, Marcel was plagued by depression

Andre was just plain weird.

Circles fascinated him

Thomas' life was spent looking for the love he lost when
his mother ran away with the cable man.

Thomas, heartbroken and desolate

Robert kept the keys to his cellar on a key chain that never left his belt.
His secrets died with him. But, we still have the keys.

He left us the key to his secret life.

Seriously folks, I don't know why this wasn't a run away best seller. Do you?